I wanna phone you at 4am wasted and tell you things, But last time i did that, I ended up crying and looking stupid.

Such a storm we couldn't see street lights, Couldn't play the license plate game, couldn't hold our hands out the windows. Planted in his truck that he bought off his dad. Im wearing that over sized gray coat and he is wearing a hoodie. We hadn't spoken since we left the party that you were at, where i reacted without thinking. Blank expressions and the music turned up so loud even if i tried to say sorry my words would get misunderstood and fall flat. Winter is the hardest because everyone is so sad. He drove over a snowbank to keep my feet dry, unlocked the door and stared forward. The lights in my house were off and im glad he no longer intended on staying the night. I didn't want it to go this way, didn't want to be a let down but this distraction was needed. When i sit in coffee shops and see people interacting is when i feel the worst. Disconnected or something. Holding your breathe under water. Sharp pains in your sides. I won't break. I knew after that night he wouldn't be calling me. What's so bad about being alone anyway? my mom always tells me one day all this will just suddenly make sense. It's starting too, His eyes are darker, I think he is funny and he holds the doors open. But i don't really care about anyone and am starting to realize it has nothing to do with past flames or broken hearts or any of that cheesy bullshit. I just don't want to disappoint. Maaan, I can't wait to have this under control.