I threw out all your letters yesterday.

I am done because my ideas have frozen and i can't think straight and nothing to say.
Im so sick.

I care, But i never really -- i mean REALLY care.

I only think im crazy when i get like this and drink like that and end up sitting on my kitchen floor looking for shapes in the ceiling. I only thought i loved because i was young and bored and generally unstable and i don't know why i would ever think -- Change TOPIC. Two worlds, and a wall in the middle where i sit. Part of both, Belong in nether. It is everything VS EVERYTHING. And wait.. I don't remember my point. Do i have a point? Seriously, What am i doing with my life. Most days i just want to go for long walks and sleep. Other days i think......................................

We were made in the dark.

Im sure of nothing and i don't care about anything.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh you got me all wrong.
Okay.
Im standing at the bottom of your stairs and i can't focus on your front door let alone your face.
Drunk Dials.
Come and go as you please.
I belong alllll alllone in my bed with a mickey of whiskey.
maaahh

Im in a weird mood, I don't know, Everything (Everyone) weirds me out.

AHHHH HAHAHAHAHHA

love of the heart over lust of the flesh

I hide money in my shoes, Overindulge, Can't sleep in the dark and i don't take you seriously.

I'm not feeling very creative lately.

Give it up

I have become very fond of one "Richard Brautigan"
I have a job, I actually am going to try and school (maybe)
I kind of want to drive...
I live to sleep alone.

Somethings are better left unsaid... trust me.

Im home, I feel pretty good about that, I love my friends.
I --

Things are better when they are 100 years old ---wait..

Dangers tonight, Home on Saturday.

No sex No drugs No life No love

I have been watching buffy the vampire slayer for.. probably about 5 or 6 hours now. Everyone is drinking green beer, But i like this more. I also ate an entire bag of ketchup chips, Buffy dresses so silly. the 90's.

I really don't think drugs are cool, I really think the shins and long walks are cool.
Im really uncool.

I love baby animals!!!!

Damanged goods, Brused Apples.

I have devolped the weirdest social issues...
Im going to die alone, 4:30am, I can't sleep because i just remembered.
HOLY SHIT.
What if i have ACTUALLY pushed everything so far that all i have left is a cheap six pack and some fucking dude with shitty facial hair and bad one liners?
ahhhhhhhhhh ah AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I think im in love with you.

My insides are crawling out of my mouth! My fingers are turning in to branchs! My feet! Oh fuck my feet! Sinking in to this city! I forgive all your wrongs like i ignore all my flaws, and now i gotta pay the price. All these pretty little things you have in your back pocket, Your favorite collection like forigen money and seashells. Alll these pretty little girls with hearts with your name on them. Well i met men like you before, and it got me nothing but trouble and a lump in my throat. They love the things you do, cause he's funny and charmingly handsome and tells you your the only one he sees. Cause he said it to me too. Well it's fun not being sad, and it's fun having dreams. I like this boy who drives really fast and kisses my mouth even after i smoke. But i aint no matryoshka doll and i aint no babygirl. All these beautiful girls in your bed, One for every night. Lucky you! I use to be strong. I use to be your sunday and wednesday. Boys will be boys. Buuuut i don't got the time. Dead to me, not like me. In order to mantain steady breathing/heart rate i don't think about it. Memories. Artic winds. Dark roast. Good people. Punch me in the mouth.

We get on

I just feel guilty. The only word to describe how i feel about what i have done is guilty. A kiss on the cheek. A awkward smile. I am going to have another beer and go home and listen to Kate nash.

So I proceeded to get drunk and to cry....

And when I saw you kissing that girl my heart, it shattered and my eyes, they watered and when I tried to speak I stu-uttered. And my friends were like "Whatever, you'll find someone better, his eyes are way too close together and we never even liked him from the start. And now he's with that tart, and I heard she'd done some really nasty stuff down in the park with Michael. He said she's easy and if your guys with someone that's sleazy then he ain't worth your timecause you deserve a real nice guy"

Things i don't want you to know in order:

My fingers are nailed to porcelain tables, I have a mouthful of blood, The drugs are not working. My feet are stapled to wooden floors, I have a head full of smoke, The people are made of clay. Finally, water has reached my lips.

THE ISLAND WONT LET US LEAVE, MY DESTINY IS ON THE ISLAND, JACK LOVES KATE.

I never write about anything that i actually do and i feel like.

Last night was my first time shooting tequila and let me tell you, I just love it. We went to a bar called "touch" in Victoria, i feel that the name gives this sleazy bar justice. Anyway.. it was a super hero themed party (there were dudes dressed as the mario brothers, and duff dude...)and there was a BED upstairs, a bed in a curtained alcove.. HOW CREEPY IS THAT. After many shots of TEQUILA we decided to dance, Danny.M took off his shoes and danced around, AND smoked weed in the middle of this chongo bar's dance floor not once.. BUT TWICE. AHA!! Sarah and I danced in a room filled with "bumpits" and polo shirts for a while...

Open your eeyyyessss, Wake up. Open your eyes.

IM HAPPY FOR YOU BABY, BUT I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

We'd have our own subway car in the middle of the night

I like the typos and i don't mind you showing up.

Right before this blows up in my face i will salvage what i have left to say and think and feel -- Wait.
Everything just got so bad!! No, Not really. Im dramatic and conflicted by nature and i gotta stop complaining when everything goes my way. Im spoiled, and Selfish and problematic. The after effects of everything bad that ever happen are lingering and i think i just hate when im bored. Habit. I had become good at bottling -- No, just kidding, I am a open book. A funny tradegy. More funny, Sad in the funny way, the "Why the fuck do you think you have it so rough?" kinda way. Im having a revelation. It's about fucking time. Im feeeeling, Morally grey.. Frequently found in a coffee shop with greasy hair and yesterdays make up. A hang over. A number higher. Fast food diet. Pack a day. 3 hours of sleep. Im sure if i stopped this unhealthy life and stopped blaming all my mistakes on my age i would stop hating you(me)

On a side note...
"And at the end of your low you pin my shoulders against the mattress arching your frame with your stomach pushed outwar your head titling back with your mouth partially open The sounds slur and elevate slowly in volume When you wake up with your family gathered around Remember that our love was true And I will not allow you to destroy yourself"

Im so full i just ate so much food..too much food

Fond of:

Perhaps we are more evil then they

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION:



I will live in the woods and grow my own weed.

Nothing like you Hoochie coo

I don't really ever get sick of Sarah Pester because a) She is 1/3 of the best thing in my life. b) She understands alone time. c) She has put up with my constant shit for about 5 years...
The only thing that would make this better is if Kathleen were here.
Dangers t-minus one week.