Always mad and usually drunk but i love him like no other.

It's getting pushed or willingly jumped, and i jumped.
I'll hit the ground and with blood in my mouth and broken legs i think i might finally get it.
I set myself up every time, and i hate it, i hate it, i hate it, i hate it.

Lately i have been thinking of times that i wouldn't ever want to relive, even though i can't stop reliving it mentally. I remember the snow was melting, and i was wearing those huge sunglasses, chain smoking and holding it together down 17th. I got to ayla's work, Held it together, held it together, shut the car door. Died. And all those times a month shy of this time last year, where i wouldn't leave my room, wouldn't eat, wouldn't work. Kathleen would come over almost everyday so i wouldn't be alone. Kathleen or Ayla, Everyday. I think -- You know -- Fuck. I don't know what im trying to say and all these things from past lives don't even scratch the surface anymore. So i don't why it has come up. Never come's up like this, I think falling in to an old habit brought certain things to light. Which sucks and rules and i just don't want to allow myself to be the person i became after --- that. I was doing so well at self improvement! Back. On. Track.

Casually dating is a strange concept but seemly better then casually fucking and being emotionally detached.
Get there.
Casually dating is even stranger when one person is casual and the other is generally -- well not.
Getting there.