I didn't want to tell him That my heart grows colder with each day

It's one pill with water, but sometimes two. When everything that was so clear has turned in to an old photograph that i misplaced. When i can hear myself telling a lie, and when he believes me. Even my smile feels so fucking fake right now. Im not even unhappy, Just bored, dissatisfied and wishing for a repeat. It's the what-if's when your alone. What if the earth is flat? What if nothing happens for a reason? What if i actually mean so little. It's one pill before bed so i don't befriend the moon tonight. It's 4 cups of coffee and a pack of smokes later. The waiting game. The late night phone calls. The drives to the country. The eye contact across the room that means something completely different a year later. Killing butterfly's. Saying, "I was wrong, and im not sorry. Ya I was wrong, and im not sorry." It's figuring things out and wanting to be alone all the time. It's jealousy. It's girl's gossiping about you. It's pressure. It's me finally admitting some things are hard to swallow.